Grunge Zombie

Assumed Name: Grunge Zombie

Movie Title: House of the Dead

Year of Release: 2003

Director: Uwe Boll

Performance/Costume Review: Finally, a definitive answer to the question that's been plaguing everyone for years. Is Grunge dead? The answer is a resounding YES and Grunge Zombie is totally awesome! The flannel shirt, the hair, ripped jeans and I'm sure he's wearing Doc Martins. Something tells me director Uwe Boll had his casting call in Seattle.

Michael

Assumed Name: Michael

Movie Title: Burial Ground: The Nights of Terror

Year of Release: 1981

Director: Andrea Bianchi

Performance/Costume Review: How can I approach this gracefully? If you've seen this film then you know what I'm dancing around, if you haven't seen it then enter at your own risk. I will say I loved that Michael, the child, was portrayed by a real-life dwarf wearing a toupee. Yet, he does look like a kid I went to grade school with. So what else to say? Oh yeah, he had an uncomfortable closeness with his mom... thank's for the mammaries!

Zombie Monk

Assumed Name: Zombie Monk

Movie Title: Mansion of the Living Dead

Year of Release: 1982

Director: Jess Franco

Performance/Costume Review: Well...I think it's safe to say "zombies" were an after-thought in this film. This is a PG-13 blog so I'll just let my readers who are familiar with Franco's films guess at the subject matter of this plot-less excuse for a horror film. I will say the "zombie" costumes were very amusing! They ranged from cheap Halloween make-up to a straight-up paper cut-out of a skeleton face.

Zombie with Witch Nails

Assumed Name: Zombie with Witch Nails

Movie Title: Corpses Are Forever

Year of Release: 2003

Director: Jose Prendes

Performance/Costume Review: I'm going to be honest with you, I had no clue what this thing was. I think it was a super-zombie, but I'm not sure. All I know is that it looked like it needed to lay off the flesh for a while so it could keep up with the fast-moving zombies. It also had long black witch nails like the plastic kind you buy at a Halloween shop. This performance left something to be desired, but I was amused by it.

The Zombie Nun

Assumed Name: The Zombie Nun

Movie Title: Cemetery Man aka Dellamorte Dellamore

Year of Release: 1994

Director: Michele Soavi

Performance/Costume Review: A pretty solid performance in all. Short lived, like most zombies, but memorable. I'd like to bring attention to the profession. It seems nuns pop up every now and then for a given laugh. Nuns, Librarians, Cops, and other random respected people in important positions. Why is this? I don't really care because I'll laugh no matter what. How about a whole movie of zombie nuns? Ooh, are there any producers out there? I'll have a script in 24 hours, promise!

Random Zombie Football Player

Assumed Name: Random Zombie Football Player

Movie Title: House of the Dead II

Year of Release: 2005

Director: Michael Hurst

Performance/Costume Review: What to say? How great is a zombie football player!!! He even threw the ball out of habit. I was a bit confused by how slow he walked. Other zombies moved fast in the film. It was like a clash of zombies from both Dawn of the Dead movies...slow vs. fast moving. Anyway, the zombie football player was great!

Chef Jaques

Assumed Name: Chef Jaques

Movie Title: House of the Dead II

Year of Release: 2005

Director: Michael Hurst

Performance/Costume Review: On the back of this dvd the R rating includes "strong zombie violence". I will say there was a good amount of zombie violence, but I found Chef Jaques performance the most entertaining. Chef Jaques goes out in the alley to eat a salad and sees what he thinks is a homeless man. He offers him his salad and instead finds out it's a zombie who quickly bites his hand. My favorite part of the film was when Chef Jaques holds his bloody hand and says in a horribly thick fake French accent, "The world has gone crazy, nobody likes the French!" He then becomes a zombie, classic.

*Interesting side note, in real life the actor that played Chef Jaques is, in addition to a producer, a real chef!